Updated: Aug 25, 2022
"Get your body back" reads sooooo many headlines in our society today. But guess what. I don't want to go back. I'm not that "Me" anymore. Actually I'm SO much more!
Those things that gave me joy before pale in comparison to what was in store.
The 55 hours of labor was not envious but something beautiful came out of it none the less!
No. Something glorious.
The sleepless nights I try to forget as I struggled to find anything that would fit.
That morphing body pregnant no more but still aimlessly searching for something more.
Something to provide worth in the moment of 3am feedings no end in sight with another day on the horizon or was it still evening? Scarves that piled the shelf high above harkened back to a time not 6 years ago when any accessory was great because no little hands shoved and struggled to open the gate to milk full of substance and weight.
Remembering the me that was in those days long ago when an uninterrupted meal was taken for granted or a shower was a daily habit!
Gone is that time when I could pick up and go, feeling as if my body went with it but really that's just not me anymore.
I've come so far in self discovery a world has opened before me, inviting me in with it's pain and tragedy with a promise of love and a joy unmatched in all of man's history.
So goodbye scarves and goodbye size 2! These hips are no longer meant for you.
They've been to the brink of death and back conceived a life you can't put back and instead of trying to find an ideal in you, I choose to see the fruit of the tree that's grown in me like patience, perseverance, and a strength I couldn't see.
So thank you size 2 for the time you served in clothing this body where it was in the woods of transition from teen to adulthood me from the adjustment of self love to that which I now see is an embodiment of courage, hippy though it may be.