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Pre-Grieving: A TCK Coping Mechanism

(Excerpt from I’m from Earth?)

"Although I didn’t understand it as I was going through it, I was pre-grieving a future loss of dear people in my life and felt like I needed to get as many moments with them as possible. I did not trust that I would find new friendships or make new memories in the future.

We Third Culture Kids (TCKs) are so used to goodbyes, they don’t always fully phase us much anymore. They hurt, but we know it’s not an ending because usually it’s temporary and we’ll see the person again in a few years. But because we are so conditioned to the fact that people never stay long, a lot of us develop tendencies in our relationships to go deep really fast. Or, we may go in the opposite direction to just be impenetrable because we want to avoid the pain of loss. So, we don’t let anyone get near our heart. Or like in my case, it can be kind of a blend of the two.”

Which end of the spectrum do you tend to fall in when it comes to long term relationships? Going deep fast? Or impenetrable fortress you have to scale walls to let someone in?

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