I’m not the same person I was 5 weeks ago. Judah is 3 weeks today.
The extra 2 weeks of pregnancy and the birth were like this epic dramatic TV show season finale after a pretty crazy past two years of my life. Every birth transforms a woman but this one was different.
Still unpacking it all and starting to find time to write it out (which most of you who’ve been following me for a while know is sort of how I process things best).
It’s a lot of wow moments. A lot of learning moments. A lot of challenging moments. A bucket load of emotional moments.
And will probably take multiple posts to cover and unpack fully but something really transformative happened and I’m working on understanding it all.
Kind of like standing in awe in the aftermath wondering did I really just do that?
Did that really just happen? Did all my fears just rear their ugly heads only to watch them crumble through the tools I’d learned over the past season uncovering new truths to stand on I didn’t know I needed to hear?
Like my most recent processing of the past month left me standing on this morsel of realization that I don’t need things to unfold exactly as I hoped/expected/believed for/prayed for to prove to myself that I can hear God’s voice guiding me.
That I have good ideas. That I can make good decisions. That God has the best in store for me. That I’m a beloved daughter who has a universe creator involved in every detail of my life who knows just how much I’m capable of that even I didn’t know!
Self doubt has been a big hurdle this past year and it’s beautiful to unpack all these little details that culminated in an epic two week pregnancy finish like nothing I’ve ever been through before.
Something transformative and beautiful really happened and I can’t wait to keep unfolding it and understanding it more as I start writing it out and emerging from this cocoon of postpartum glow and baby snuggles into whatever person I am now on the other side of carrying and delivering a 4th child into this world.