“Part of the reason women are so tired is because we are spending so much energy trying to ‘keep it together’. So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance.....Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. It mattered. You mattered. That’s not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there” - from the book Captivating.
I read this book as a teenager and thought it was great now as a more mature adult I can see how some women it doesn’t connect to and a lot of it now doesn’t seem to apply to me either but the above passage really struck home.
Grief means it meant something.
I got hit with another wave of it last week. Ugh again! Yep. But this quote helps me. I hate being in weird emotional stages and I’m getting better at not dwelling in the rough ones and letting them steal my peace but it feels really foolish sometimes to have a crazy crying day because of grief. Fine the next day but man! Not fun.
This quote helps me feel like ok this is ok. This is a sign that what was lost was significant to me it mattered to me. It held value. Makes it feel more of a justified necessary process and I found out last week too that grief when you don’t process it or feel it close to the time of loss tends to come back harder later. Who knew!
So this post is for those out there grieving anything from any time. It’s ok to be in that space if you need to be. It’s ok to have the sunshine out yet feel terrible inside. And it will pass like all the waves before it but don’t ignore it. Let it have its time